Chance upon this article from a email and feel it really says alot about ppl. Zal, shd be quite related to u..=)


Imagine being attracted to a woman and going up to her and saying, “hey I find you attractive and I’d like for usto get to know each other better”. The very next second she either says she feels the same way or not. If not, then you don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, you simply find the next woman that you are attracted to and after two or threemore tries you find a woman who feel the same way. After she says she feels the same, the two of you start to get to know each other without worry about anything else and find out if you are compatible to date or not.

Now let’s look at the world. You see a woman you’re attracted to, you worry whether or not she’ll accept or reject you and you try to come up with something to say in order to avoid the latter. Meanwhile, she’s got a million things running through her head. Before a guy says hi she’s thinking about how she looks relative to every other girl there. Once a guy does approach her she has to worry about whether this guy is an asshole who could break her heart or worse. If she does like him she has to thinkabout how she can act in order to get the guy attracted to her while the guy nervously does the same. The result - millions of men and women who are not fully satisfied with their single lives.

Why is the world one way and not the other? Why does meeting people have to be so hard? If you look closely at these two scenarios the difference is apparent: fear has won.

Instead of our interactions being molded by a foundation of trust and security, humans have had to over-compensate in their interactions because of their fear and insecurity.People’s actions and a whole crop of dating “advice” have been dictated by how one can avoid rejection, how one can avoid getting their heart broken, and how one can avoid their fears without confronting them.

Is the fear there for a good reason? Of course. We’ve all been hurt enough times in our lives to know that it’s not a feeling we ever want to feel again. Keep in mind however that your actions say more about you then those around you. Studies have shown that if one partner cheats on their spouse, they are much more likely to worry about the other partner cheating. Similarly, if the way you act toward women is motivated in any way by fear, it makes it much more likely that the other person will feel wary of you.

While we don’t live in a dating utopia, you can still create one for yourself. Take a good look at your own behaviors toward women. Which are motivated by your own genuine desire for them and which are motivated by your fear of rejection or fear of being hurt? Maybe you just want to talk to a girl again but you’re afraid she’llsay “no” when you ask for her number. Maybe you just want to kiss her but instead you wait around for an obvious signal that never comes instead of just telling her. Maybe you apologize for your natural thoughts and behaviors because you’re afraid of how people will react to them. Make a little list for yourself and do whatever you can to destroy those behaviors which are holding you back. As you let your unbridled fearlessness show, you will influence the men and women around you to drop their guards a bit andbe more open to go after what they want.

This second there is a wonderful woman worried that she’ll never find a decent guy. Will you approach her with fear and cause her to raise her defenses higher? Or will you be the man to show her that it’s okay to lower those defenses and just enjoy the moment. Facing your fear and pushing past it certainly isn’t an easy thing, but then again, being a man never is. The world may have lost it’s chance at a dating utopia, but that will just make you stand out that much more when you’re a man who defies
it.

reprinted from www.SparksOfAttraction.com

Peaceout...

Here is the weekly post for the week! Today is talking about how to approach a girl or what to do at a party.

Several clusters of attractive, single, Singaporean women awaited courageous men, or better yet, sociable men, to introduce themselves. In the midst of this scene, a cute girl pointed out "THE ROW".

While the rare man or two or three was richly rewarded by his newly made female friends for his social bravery, there was still the infamous "ROW" of single men lined up along the bar and along the couches against the wall, silent, unsmiling, and scanning the room for "targets", which they would be too nervous to approach in the end.

This was a scene from one of the ubiquitous singles' events springing up all over the city leading up to Valentine's Day a few days ago. What to do if you ever find yourself an unwilling member of the infamous ROW? Read below:

If u are that line of men standing against the wall of the club, staring ominously ahead or scanning the room nervously, not talking much to their friends and just being silent, unsmiling, trying to look cool and tough, and only interested in talking to hot girl, then u will most likely to be going home alone.

If u find yourself in THE ROW, "trying to be cool", and actually too afraid to talk to that cute girl in front of you, then immediately walk away. Take a breather for a few minutes. Step outside for a few minutes of fresh air. Then when u re-enter the venue, be the social guy!

Talk to the first friendly person u see, whether it's the bouncer, a random guy or an old women. Your opener can be as simple and effective as, "Hey, having a good time tonight?" If u get a friendly response, follow this up by introducing yourself: "My name is ____. What's yours?" Work the room. Talk to every friendly person u see, guy or girl. You don't have to talk to the person for long. Even just a minute will do to make a good impression.

Eventually you will make your way to that cute girl u didn't have the courage to approach earlier. But now u built up for yourself some social momentum. Talk to her just like you've been talking to everybody else up to then. Remember, it's perfectly normal and even highly valuable skill to start conversations with total strangers. After you make emotional and social connections, see if the girl meets your standards.

After this, it should seem natural for both of you to want to continue your conversation at another time. It could be as simple as "let's trade contact info, do you have your phone with you?" And then exchange numbers, email or name cards.

Adapted from The New Paper, Sunday, 15 Feb 2009

Last and final part of vocals!

Sound CONFIDENT, Make a Statement :
By David Tian

WHEN women are asked what they look for in men, one of the most commonly cited traits is confidence. How can a girl tell you’re confident? Not mainly through your words, but through your body language and tonality.

We’re going to wrap up our series on vocal tonality with this third tip. We’ve already looked at the importance of vocal volume and projection, as well as slow and smooth speech. This third component will help you sound more confident.

One of the most prevalent mistakes men make in tonality is to end their sentences on a higher pitch than where they started. This makes them sound diffident and unsure of themselves.

Statements should sound like statements, not questions. End statements on a descending pitch.

Look for opportunities to rephrase questions as statements. Train your mind to do this.

‘We’re having steamboat for dinner, and I’d love for you to join us!’ is much better than, ‘Would you like to join us for a steamboat dinner?’ The former makes you sound more confident.

For more advanced social artists, get in the habit of ending your questions on a descending pitch. This takes a little practice but is highly effective.

Where before you might have said, ‘Can I sit right there?’ with a rising pitch at the end, now say instead, ‘Can I sit right there.’ Saying it like a sentence with a descending and decisive pitch at the end makes you sound much more powerful.

Speak firmly. Show conviction. Believe in yourself.

Adapted from The New Paper, Sunday 2 February 2009

Part 2 of the previous post

SPEAKING SEDUCTIVELY :
By David Tian

Continuing with the series on vocal tonality, let’s look at another common and crippling problem with speech.

Many people tend to speak too fast in social situations, mainly because they are nervous and care too much about what other people think of them. This fast speech makes them seem not only nervous, but also lacking in confidence, and creates the impression that what they have to say is unimportant.

Slowly does it

A smooth and slow tonality is not only seductive; it also commands authority.

To develop this, it is best to use a recorder or computer microphone. Sit up straight, take a deep breath, and repeat the following:

‘From this moment onwards, I will speak slower and smoother and try not to cram too many words into one breath just because I have lots of ideas in my head and want to get them all out and am afraid that if I speak too slowly with lots of pauses, people may lose their attention when really, it is best to speak slowly and smoothly.’

Now listen to the recording of yourself. Very likely, enunciating a run-on sentence like this one caused you to mumble and speak very quickly for fear of losing your breath.

Repeat the run-on sentence, but this time, ensure that you pronounce every consonant clearly, take painfully long pauses every few words, make your pace exaggeratedly slow, and take deep breaths between phrases.

Begin to speed up your pace while maintaining clear enunciation and pausing between phrases.

Continue to practise this exercise. The tempo should be slow and the timbre smooth.

Even after you’ve practiced this tonality on your own, once you get back into social situations, your speech will probably speed up again. So be sure to monitor your tonality constantly until it becomes second nature, which could take a few months.

Just like with any new skill, it will take some getting used to. You may think that you are boring people, but you aren’t. Keep at it. The social pay-off is huge.

Adapted from The New Paper, Sunday 26 January 2009

Ok..Here the post is a topic on how to better improve your vocal tonality. Will rather post it part by part.

SPEAK WITH CONFIDENCE :
By David Tian

WHILE waiting for a friend at VivoCity the other day, I observed a young man asking for directions. Every time he approached people, he spoke so softly that nobody could hear what he was saying.

He had to lean in and try repeatedly, and people became frustrated.

I saw some of them shake their heads and walk away, not because a stranger had approached them to ask an innocent question, but because they simply couldn’t hear what he was saying. His vocal tonality was like a social repellent.

In many ways, your voice conveys your identity. Its tonality can tell people about the kind of person you are, how you feel about yourself, and what you believe in.

In my previous columns, which you can find archived on my website, I have examined some of the body language and mindset. Now it’s time to turn to tonality

Recall the landmark study at UCLA that discovered 93 per cent of likeability is attributable not to what you say, but how you say it. Body language accounted for 55 per cent, verbal content for just 7 per cent, and vocal tonality 38 per cent.

Breathe

The foundation of all good tonality is proper breathing. One of the best aids to proper breathing is proper posture.

Keep your back straight back. Your shoulders should be broad, your head up and chin slightly above parallel, and your hips forward the way they would be if you were on tiptoes. And smile.

When your upper body is straight, you will be better able to breathe from your diaphragm - the sheet of muscle beneath your rib cage. Your stomach, not your upper chest, should rise and fall with each inhalation and exhalation.

Breathing from your diaphragm rather than your upper chest will more effectively fill your lungs with air, giving full power to your words.

This is the kind of breathing employed by, among others, professional wind players, opera singers, and stage actors.

One of the biggest problems with tonality is a voice that is too soft or quiet. Practice projecting your voice in a high arc extending a few feet beyond your listener.

Don’t strain your throat. The extra power should come from your diaphragm.

If you are projecting properly, your voice should sound louder in your head than you are used to.

Don’t worry about talking too loudly. Chances are good that your friends will start complimenting you on how clearly you’ve started speaking.

Adapted from The New Paper, Sunday 19 January 2009

Here's the weekly tips mainly for couples or couples-to-be...lol

If you have been seeing your partner almost everyday and especially if early in the relationship, read below...

For Girls(applys to Guys too):

If you are looking for a fun fling, it’s perfectly all right to have your passionate affair in the short term.

But if you want to develop a committed, long-term relationship, I would side with your friends. You would be best served following my general rule of thumb.

Don’t date him more than once a week, at least for the first month.

Most men fall in love faster than most women. This is a little secret among dating experts. Most men also fall out of love faster than most women.

At the start, if you play your cards right, the man will want to meet you two or three times a week. Some may even want to see you every day.

If you give in and see them every time, eventually they will begin to feel restless and irritable, and they will begin to take you for granted and slowly stop cherishing you. This is just the nature of men.

To keep him from getting too much too soon, you must pace the relationship. Don’t expect the man to do it.

Let him think you have other plans, that he is not the only romantic option or interest in your life.

I know it’s hard for you to say ‘No’ when he asks you out again after a passionate kiss, and you are intoxicated by the smell of his scent on your neck. But you simply must summon your sweetest voice and say, ‘I’m sorry, I already have plans.’

Of course, do not give him any details about your plans, and do not include him in them.

The next step

This once-a-month structure is not forever. In the second month, you can see him twice a week, in the third month, three times a week, and in the fourth month, up to four times a week. But never see him more than four times a week until you’re engaged.

A man who is in love with you won’t be put off by your busy schedule in the beginning.

If you fall for his lines and see him every day, he might take you out a few times and be physically intimate with you, but then he may never call again, or worse, he may continue to see you, but his interest will fade. Watching someone fall out of love with you is really awful and painful.

If you see him no more than once a week, then you will force him to get to know you and really fall in love.

Adapted from The New Paper, Sunday

Wanted to blog yesterday but feel like no mood ah. But heard a true story about my auntie neighbour.

Ok, went to my grandma house yesterday. Then we were chit chatting until we talk about the neighbour's young son. A few days or 1 month ago i think, my auntie was chatting with the neighbour's wife then my young cousin was playing with her son. Out of nowhere, the son just say "scared,scared" Even if u were there, u will might wonder what happen. So out of curiousity, my auntie ask the son's mother why he say that. So she explain to her that her son has the yin yang eye, also known as the third eye. By the way, the son is about 4 years old now.

The mother found out about his special 'ability' was when she, the son and the maid was at Ikea. As her husband is working, they were walking down the pavement at the side of the road or somewhere i think. The maid was walking in front while the mother carries the son on her(like those fireman carry), in which the child was facing behind. The thing is the son suddenly say "go away, don't come" a few times and the mother was wondering who he is talking to. So she turn back and see no one... Thus as u would might have, increase your walking speed.

The son could have inherit from his mother as she a indonesian chinese, also had the eye before when she was young but have already closed/blocked it. As to what the mother gonna do to the son's special ablility, we got no idea yet but have somehow taken precaution. Creepy eh...

Firstly would like to say Its the End of Sem 2, Yr 1! Super fast sia... Made cards for some of our favourite lecturer then bought tickets to the Zouk party on the 28th Feb, right after our exams!

Went home after lessons then come out around 6.30 meet zal n siyao at JE complex before embarking on our 4km++ run around chinese garden! Seriously damn tired since been 1 mth plus nvr exercise ler. Then walk to IMM slack awhile before going home.

My previous post was on about relationship topic and will be updating every week based on the newpaper to tell u guys! Informative eh!

Anyway, tml alone...sigh..

After so long finally projects have been cleared. Now left exams! sian...nvm. Chance upon a particular topic while reading the newspaper and is rather interesting thus decided to post it up. Guys can learn from this! If you try to find reasons of why she dont like u or like why she ignore u, below these info could be of help!

Factor (1)The Zone
When a girl first time meet a guy, she will categories him into these 5 areas.

From bottom to top: Creepy Guy, Normal Guy, The Friend, The Potential, The Lover

Creepy Guy : Want to get as far away as possible from him!

Normal Guy : Neutral feelings about him

The Friend : Not romantically attracted but enjoy hanging out with him

The Potential : Romantically attracted and would seriously consider settling down with him. If she is smart about it, she will withhold physical intimacy from him as long as possible.

The Lover : WANTS this guy, NOW! Because attraction is not a choice, she cant help feeling these tense emotions for him but she can choose how to act on her feelings.

Moving down the scale is easy and fast but going up is difficult and slow. Example, once a guy get into the Friend Zone, it is hard for him to move up to The Lover category. The lesson to take away from this that is if you want to stay out of The Friend Zone, aim to come across as The Potential or as The Lover as early as possible, even within the first few minutes of interaction.

Guys can do this through words, body language, eye contact and tonality.

Factor (2)Time
The longer a guy spends in a category, the more deeply entrenched in it he will be and the harder it will be to dig himself out. Once a guy has been in the Friend Zone for over 20hrs of interaction time, his chances fo getting out of it shrink exponentially. He must take more drastic measures. Best way is to minimise social contact with her for a minimum of 1 month up to a period that is half as long as the time they have been friends.

During this time, he should develop his attraction skills, raise his social & emotional intelligence, expand his social circle, improve himself PHYSICALLY and in general, make himself a much more attractive person and learn how to convey that attractiveness effectively. When he re-enters her life, she will be forced to confront a brand new guy - a more powerful attractive man, a man she cannot dismissively drop into The Friend Zone.

Dont worry that she will meet a new boyfriend during your absence. Your current presence as "just a friend" wont deter her from dating guys she likes romantically anyway. There are also many other ways like the Hollywood fairy tale style of 2 friends becoming lovers over time but this "Absence Method" is by far the most effective route.

Adapted from The New Paper Sunday
More info can be found at www.powerofbeingasian.com

Good luck!

Today woke up late cos no more IS lesson ler. Didnt expect to receive the call from my lecturer regarding the plagarism problem! Jialat, so my grp members all went to meet the lecturer at the office and discuss abt it. So action were taken but we all are still safe la. Cant say much, confidential.

On the way home at the bus stop saw my target! haha..but nvr talk cos she dunno me mah..sigh..

Work almost done ler! Now left some revision to do and some minor stuffs. Like nth to write these few weeks. Seems to find my target now but still not confirm yet...hopefully found someone...hehe..

Finally got some breathing space to blog! Actually is squeezing time to blog now. So many things to do currently. Project deadlines coming, exams in a few more weeks! sigh! Hopefully will clear off fast...

Dont really have time for other stuffs now...